On Going Back to Work.

When we had Nory, I only took off the 70 paid maternity days.  It was hard to leave her, but I was also excited to go back to work.  DIFFERENT STORY this time around, you guys.  THIS TIME AROUND, I'm taking some unpaid leave and I already feel sick to my stomach every time I think about returning to work.  Ugh.  I've been thinking about why this might be and here's what I've come up with:

1)  This time around, I KNOW how fast babies grow up and, in the blink of an eye, Jet is also going to be TWO YEARS OLD and I will ONCE AGAIN be thinking "how the heck did we get here?!"

2)  This time around, I feel confident as a mom.  I mean, I still have NO IDEA what I'm doing (who does?!) but I feel confident in having NO IDEA what I'm doing.  With Nory, it was almost as if going back to work meant going back to a place where I knew what I needed to do and how to be successful.

3)  This time around, I'm also at home with another little one.  It's not just leaving one baby, it's leaving two!

4)  This time around, Nory is a little person with opinions, suggestions, and some serious preferences.  I feel like we've bonded SO MUCH and it breaks my heart thinking about her asking for "Mommy" when I'm gone.

5)  This time around, I've got to do arts and crafts EVERY SINGLE DAY, by someone else's request!  This is probably the only point I needed to make in the first place.  

6)  This time around, I will be returning to a school that is 20-30 minutes away from home instead of two.

7)  This time around, Phil and I are struggling to find our groove with TWO kids and I fear that going back to work will add even more stress to the mix.

I'd be tired for you any day. XOXO

All that being said, you're probably wondering why the heck I am going back to work at all!  Well, the truth is that as much as I love being a mom, I also love being a teacher.  The truth is that I want our daughters to see that you don't have to choose between a career and a family.  The truth is that we have financial responsibilities and we have financial goals.  The truth is that we want our girls to see certain places and have certain experiences and these things cost money.  The truth is that sometimes.......the truth hurts!  Wan wan.        

Sigh.  I hope you're gonna stick around for when I rip off this bandaid.  It's gonna hurt, people, and I'll be asking for a whole lotta brave come April.