As I've shared before, I really think that women become a walking "judge me now and judge me often" billboard as soon as they become pregnant. "You're not gaining enough weight. You're gaining too little weight. Get out of the heat. You shouldn't eat that. You need to drink this. You're exercising too much. Why are you taking the stairs? You shouldn't be working." Ah - it goes ON and ON and ON.
Then you become a Mom. And you expect the comments to continue because you've become accustomed to it during the last 9 months. "Your baby is too cold. Your baby is too hot. Your baby shouldn't be leaving the house. Your baby needs to be on a schedule. You're going back to work?! Your baby is sleeping too little. You shouldn't hold your baby so much. You need to breastfeed exclusively. Why does your baby sleep in the other room?" Once again, it goes ON and ON and ON and as I said, I expected it to.
What I didn't expect was for most of the criticism to come from other moms. Moms, I've sadly learned, tend to be the WORST.
Oh dear me, I said it!
It's one thing to laugh at the unsolicited advice offered by those who are without children and clueless (like I used to be!). But for OTHER MOMS to be your biggest enemy?! Moms who know what it's like to be new to the gig and struggling just to make it through the day without
having a major breakdown losing your composure (ha!)?! That's really thrown me for a loop. And I think it's going to take me a while to get used to it.
As I sit here right now, I question how the choices I make as a parent somehow influence another woman's life in a way that is extremely offensive and hurtful. One would think I was doing something awfully unkind to THEIR child, rather than executing a much discussed and thought about decision for the well-being of my OWN. Can't we just trust that Phil and I are doing what we think is best for our baby? I suppose not. In that case, I will nicely ask you to mind your own business and keep your comments to yourself.
I can't say that every woman I've encountered has given me the stink eye. There have been a few of you - many of whom are also new moms - who have written the kindest words to me relaying some of the very ideas I've discussed in this post. THANK YOU - for thinking of me when you barely have the time to think about YOURSELF! I have kept every single message to re-read during those nasty "I may actually be the worst mother ever" moments of self-doubt.
Now I'd like to apologize to anyone who ever felt judged by my "without children and clueless" remarks and I would like to apologize even further for anything offensive that might have left my mouth after Nory's birth! This Mom thing can be quite tricky and I really do like to think we're all in it together.
And that's that.
This little family of ours is trying our best here. There will be mistakes along the way. But, HEY! That's parenthood, right?
Cheers to life's greatest experiment! ;)