The Pearl Curriculum

The House of No Rules Visits (And Takes Over the Blog)

Day 1

Greetings from #thehouseofnorules. We apologize for any disruption to your viewing pleasure, but we are visiting for two nights. We have brought with us internet, loudness, messiness, little-girl-squeeling, and of course, no rules. Also – we are taking over the blog.

I have kept telling Lindsay that I was going to force myself in as her first guest blogger for a few months, and this seemed like the perfect opportunity. Did you know that when we arrived, just a few short hours ago, that the house was neat, clean, and ready for guests? It is now ready for shenanigans.

The neatly folded blankets on the back of the chair? Lindsay has finally (at least for now) given up fixing them. I keep meaning to pick up a plate from lunch and throw it away, but by the time I remember, the plate fairy has gotten it (either Lindsay or my embarrassed wife).

Did you know that they don’t have internet here? Or phone service? Or cable? I was fully prepared to go buy a generator, 500 gallons of potable water, and rent a porta-potty. I was delighted to find out that, even in Canada, the basic necessities do exist.

We made the roughly two and a  half hour drive this morning with both of our offspring (Seton, 3 and Cecelia, 1/3).  We did not tell Seton who we were going to visit. You guys - it was quite a reunion.

Seton was very excited to go visit Nory.

You should know that our family is a little less energetic than the Parkinson family. Did you know that they walk everywhere? EVERY WHERE. We walked to the grocery store, and then BACK! They didn't even walk the shortest path to their destination. I have estimated the route, using Google Maps, to be about 2-3 km. As a math teacher I can tell you that’s about 2,500 miles.

For scale, Prince Andrew Island is roughly the size of Australia.

Apparently, they do this THREE times a day. Do you remember in Forest Gump in the scene where Forest runs across North America? We approached similar levels of endurance.  I have been told that the Godfather of their children, Dain, runs a company called “Fit in a Fat World.” I am the entire reason that his company can exist profitably. I expect royalties.

To conclude the first night of the reunion of #thehouseofnorules with #thehousewithalltherules, Phil and I rented a movie for our wives and then proceeded to experience Canadian culture in its finest by completing the 1st annual Lakefield Poutine Crawl. Beginning at the Parkinson household, we walked downtown, stopping at any establishment that serves Poutine and sampling their cheesy-gravy goodness.

We began at the Old Spaghetti House. The upside is that their poutine left a lot of room for improvement. Moving down the street, we were disappointed to find that the Lakefield Restaurant had closed. At the Thirsty Loon, we had poutine on waffle fries while watching a group of women all paint the same picture. Keep in mind that this is practically the same walk we had taken earlier, except now we were eating on the route. The regularly scheduled breaks in the walk were a welcome addition. I think if they made the same stops on their thrice daily walks that they would be significantly more enjoyable for everybody involved. To round out the evening, we found out that the Canoe and Paddle had closed their kitchen about 20 minutes before we arrived. Thus concluded our Canadian outing, with nary a moose sighting.

Large poutine, anyone?

Day 2

I decided that Phil loves his children and wife so much that he deserves a reward – tickets to a Blue Jays game. The problem is that he loves his children and wife so much that he doesn’t want to leave them for the evening. For two days, he kept trying to delay the decision on whether or not to go. His plans, however, were subverted, after I started stalking family friends that live in Toronto on Facebook trying to get more people to go. I successfully convinced Lindsay’s brother, Graeme, to go to the game with us. At this point, Phil knew that resistance was futile. He would have to abandon his family. He didn’t speak to me for several hours he was so angry at my generosity.

Phil's excited face.

We enjoyed a relatively low key afternoon with the family. I woke with an ear infection and was able to personally experience the superiority of the Canadian Healthcare system. Yay, socialism.

I returned from the doctor to find that the house was empty – our families had abandoned me to go on a walk. I celebrated not having to circle the planet by driving down to the Lakefield Restaurant (that had been closed the previous night) and purchasing two large pizzas and two large orders of poutine so that I could replace all of the calories that everybody else burned off on their walk.

The drive to the game was uneventful. Tim Bits really help pass the time. I felt that all the concentration that I exerted while driving was supplemented perfectly by the variety of sweet doughnut holes provided to us by the quintessential Canadian fine-dining restaurant. We met Graeme at his apartment and took the train to the game. I think Phil was trying to punish me by getting off the train about 3 blocks (30 miles??) from Rogers Centre (Canadian spelling for novelty) and making me walk the rest of the way. He didn’t even offer to carry me. I am convinced that he is strong enough to carry me because he trains by carrying his children on his chest 22 hours a day. Seriously – think about it – have you ever seen him not carrying either Nory or Jet? That’s what I thought.

Was this too much to ask? I weigh no more than 1.8 times Phil's body weight.

I managed to survive the walk by nourishing myself with a pack of mega sized rockets that I found (Smarties if you’re American. But not smarties if you’re not American, these were not chocolate). 

I had the Mega-size. But they said Rockets. Because Canada.

I circled all of Rogers Centre trying to find poutine. I walked the distance between the left field and right field foul poles four times before I made it back to my seat. Baseball players must be real athletes to do this for hours on end - while running, no less. I fell going up the stairs on the way back, but managed to save my poutine without spilling a drop of gravy. I made it back to my seat to see Phil catch a Jose Bautista homerun and give it to a small child. What a guy. A box of Tim Bits later and we were safely home.

You can see Phil in the back row as we enjoy a rousing sportsing match. Rather than just catch the home run and give it to the small child, he was able to let the ball fall a few rows in front of us, never even touching the ball himself. This is why he is a coach.

All in all, we had a wonderful trip. We wish we had come to visit the #houseofverysensiblerules much sooner. My oldest daughter missed Nory all summer and we missed Lindsay and Phil just as much - we were all very excited to get to see them again. Our families (and senses of humor) are quite a bit different, but living abroad is so much easier with this family as our friends (mostly because Phil parents my children for me - standing up and doing work is hard). We go back to Kuwait a few days before the Parkinson family and it will be a tough few days as we count down their arrival. We will have to find a special way to welcome them when we pick them up at the airport.

Canada rocks!

Appendix – Canadian Items Purchased during trip

6 – Orders of Poutine
2 – Bags of poutine flavored chips
5 – Packs of mega-rockets
3 – Blue Jays Tickets
6 – boxes of Tim Bits
40 – liters of gasoline at 7 times the American price