Shani

Shani, holding Nory, with Kumari at her side.

I'm not really sure how to start this post.  I've sat here staring at the blank screen for several minutes, wondering what I want to say, what I need to say, and how I should say it.  It might not come out as eloquently as I would like, but perhaps in writing it I will feel a sense of peace.

Yesterday after school, Emily called me with some terrible news.  Someone we have grown to love so deeply, our cleaning lady Shani, had been rushed to the hospital and was in critical condition.

My heart sank.  I burst into tears.  How could this be?

Shani has worked for us ever since we arrived in Kuwait four years ago.  I remember her stopping me in the stairwell one day at school, asking if she could clean our house for some extra money.  She was shy to inquire but I could tell she needed our help and so I asked her how much she charged for her services.  She shrugged and said "anything Miss, you choose."  Later that day, I  remember speaking with Phil about bringing this stranger into our home, knowing in advance his reluctance for hiring a maid.  He's the type that enjoys doing housework himself, but he is also the type that proceeds with caution when it comes to trusting others.  Ultimately, he agreed to having her come "once a week" and our relationship with Shani began.

Shani started coming to our house every Tuesday for three, four, five hours at a time.  She mopped the floors, dusted every nook and cranny, cleaned the bathrooms, and polished other odd places that we wouldn't even THINK to clean ourselves.  She ironed my clothes, fluffed the pillows, folded my underwear (who does that?!) and even went so far as to remove the hair from my hairbrush (how embarrassing!).  She was SUPER WOMAN 2.0 and the way she scurried around the house like the energizer bunny left us absolutely astonished.  We began to recommend her to friends that were also looking for a maid and, since Shani was interested in securing some more "part time work", arrangements were quickly made for her to clean for others.  It wasn't long before she was working full days at our school (as a maid near my science classroom) and leaving from school to work full nights at the homes of our friends and colleagues.  The lady was go-go-go ALL THE TIME and didn't give herself a single day - or even afternoon - off.

As we got more familiar with Shani, we weren't as quick to leave the room when she came over.  Initially it was a strange situation (you know, having someone you don't know - who speaks little English - tidy up your household messes!), but the awkwardness diminished and we started to chat for a few minutes here and there as she went about the cleaning.  I slowly learned that she had three children living with her parents in Sri Lanka.  That her husband was also in Kuwait, working at a nearby hotel.  And that the money they earned together was sent home to Sri Lanka for their children to receive the best education possible.  They made the ultimate sacrifice of moving away from their family - to work in an environment that is not always incredibly friendly - to give their three children the opportunity for a better life.  Now that I am a parent, I appreciate this sacrifice even more.

Our relationship continued to grow and Shani began to surprise us on weekends with yummy Sri Lankan food.  She knew that Phil didn't like his food too spicy, but that I liked mine extra spicy.  She knew that I was a border-line vegetarian, but that Phil could eat meat of any kind all day long.  And, somehow, she managed to bring over multiple dishes that satisfied both parties.  We tried to return the favour, offering her freshly baked goods and cups of tea at every "visit", but she refused to accept.  Even that one day where she showed up soaking wet from a spontaneous rain storm, she would not allow me to make her a tea or give her some clean, dry clothes to wear.  The very odd time, though, she would accept chocolates.  I suppose chocolates really are the way to every girl's heart!     

Her title as our "cleaning lady" slowly transitioned to one of our very good friends.  She was always there for us, 100%.  When we needed paintings framed, she got them framed.  When we needed pants hemmed, she took them home and did it herself.  When my classroom nanny was cleaning my room with strong chemicals while I was pregnant with Nory, she told her she better smarten up.  When we needed a reliable, loving nanny for our daughter, she found us the best nanny in the world (who happened to be one of her dear friends).  When we had our very first baby, she showed up to the house with gifts that were beyond her means.  When Nory turned one, she brought Nory her very first pair of earrings in a heart-shaped box (also, no doubt, above and beyond her means).  We did our best to give back in return, sending her home with different clothes, extra dishes, and other odds and sods we didn't need around the house.  Do you want to know what she did with these items?  She gave them to others in need, whether here in Kuwait or back home in Sri Lanka.  Her heart is more marvelous than you could ever imagine... 

Shani is now considered a valued member of our Kuwait family.  We really look forward to the days she comes over, and not just because it means a spotless house upon her departure!  There's something about her that makes us feel relaxed and joyful whenever she is around.  Maybe it's because she maintains a genuine smile throughout her 15 hour work days  - without so much as a single complaint as to how tired she must be feeling.  Maybe it's the way she inspires us to appreciate our blessings and to seriously consider the things we choose to complain about each and every day.  Whatever it is, it lingers around our house once she leaves and we try to keep it around for as long as possible until our next "Shani fix".  That's not to say we haven't had our fair share of heart-breaking moments together, too.  There were times that Shani would come over, give me a hug and burst into tears.  I would comfort her as best as I knew how.  There were times that she would come over, give me a hug, and I would burst into tears.  She would comfort me better than I would have ever known how.  She is the best.  THE BEST, BEST.  

The last bit of quality time we had together was last Tuesday.  She came over after school and, as usual, I offered her the tea and snack that she routinely declined.  She began her time with us as she always does: by playing, holding, hugging, giggling, oohing and awing over Nory.  The two of them adore each other, with Shani being one of very few people to have received an honest-to-goodness, non-requested hug from Nory.  That their relationship is special is no secret, either.  Kumari has shared with Shani that Nory has never ONCE given her a hug, and that she longed for the connection that Nory and Shani had together...

When Shani left our house on Tuesday night, I gave her some money and a big hug like I always do.  I told her that I love her and to get home safe and that I will see her next week, like I always do.  But now, I'm not sure if that will happen.  I'm not sure we will have Shani to our house ever again.  I'm not sure Nory will get the chance to run and hug her as she walks in the door ever again.  I'm not sure I will ever get to offer her a tea only to be rejected ever again.  I'm not sure if she will even be alive come Tuesday...

Turns out Shani has two massive blood clots in her lungs.  She passed out while changing a 2 year old at work yesterday and went without oxygen for a very long time before the ambulance arrived.  We, along with many others in our Kuwait family, rushed to the hospital and waited together outside the emergency room, hoping for the best but being told to prepare for the very worst.  Shani has severe and irreversible brain damage and the next 48 hours have been deemed as critical ones. 

To say we are heartbroken is an understatement.  Our Kuwait family is absolutely crushed.  I think that many of us are in denial about the whole thing.  She's only 43.  How could this have happened?  She's got three kids back home.  How could this have happened?  She's the nicest soul we've ever met.  How could this have happened?  And why don't these things happen to bad people?  And do miracles truly exist?  And doesn't she deserve one of those?  And hasn't she earned one of those through all of her love and hardwork?

As we pray for Shani and her family through all of our tears, I am confident that she can feel it.  Yet, at the same time, I can tell that she's worried about us instead of herself and that she wants us to be happy again.  I know this because, for the first time ever, Nory gave Kumari the greatest, most genuine hug this morning - at a moment when she needed it most....

We love you, Shani.  You are important to us.  YOU MATTER.  And we will never, ever forget the lessons you've taught us by simply being yourself.

XOXO