She's SUPER. Kind as ever, extra attentive, and visibly smitten by Eleanor. So why do I find myself crying at frequent & random points of the day?
It could be because my mind is doing this:
Why is Nory crying? Did she feed her enough? Is she burping her regularly? Does Nory like her? I have to pump. Are the bottles sterilized? Does she know where everything is? What else must I teach her? Is she washing her hands enough? I feel so guilty. I feel like I should be with her 24/7. But I also feel like I need rest and ME time in order to be a good mommy. What do I do? What are we going to have for dinner? I need to sleep. I suppose I should keep the monitor on and listen. Oh - why is she crying? Maybe Nory doesn't like her. Maybe Nory is upset with me. What is my problem? It's my job to comfort her. I should go check on them. Has Nory been changed? Does Kumari sing to her? I hope Nory remembers who I am when I go back to work. What if she forgets? What if Nory starts to like Kumari more than me? What if I can no longer comfort her? I need a snuggle. Is that her crying? Kumari, I will take her..........
Bah. The first day she was here I think I cried for most of the day. I talked to my Daddy and cried. I talked to Phil and cried. I talked to Shani and cried. It was a never-ending cycle of uncontrollable tears. AND I WAS AT HOME TOO!!! What is it going to be like when I'm NOT at home? I don't even want to think about it.
The good news is I will have plenty of time to build trust with Kumari and see if she is a good fit for Nory. I think I've gotten a little better (emphasis on LITTLE) each day this week - allowing Kumari a longer chance to settle our girl before I interrupt to "save the day". I can't help it. My Mommy Instincts kick in and I have the urge to hold her close and tell her I love her. Today I did my first "trust exercise" by taking a 15 minute walk to the school to visit Phil. Phil drove me home within the hour and - despite my crazy ideas of a spontaneous kidnapping - Nory was safe and sound and happy as can be. These INSANE thoughts were never an issue when Grandma was here but working with a stranger is a whole new ball game. It's bizarre really. If I catch Nory crying with a friend, I wonder why Nory is acting so silly. But if it's a stranger in the same scenario, I automatically think, "WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO MY BABY?!" Absolutely no "benefit of the doubt" given. OOPS.
Well - my hubby is coming home soon and I am thrilled to have two days of quality family time ahead of us. Tonight is bath night which seems to be a Parkinson Favourite!
Please send me some RELAX-AND-STOP-BEING-SO-SILLY-EVERYTHING-WILL-BE-FINE vibes if you think of it!
XOXO
It could be because my mind is doing this:
Why is Nory crying? Did she feed her enough? Is she burping her regularly? Does Nory like her? I have to pump. Are the bottles sterilized? Does she know where everything is? What else must I teach her? Is she washing her hands enough? I feel so guilty. I feel like I should be with her 24/7. But I also feel like I need rest and ME time in order to be a good mommy. What do I do? What are we going to have for dinner? I need to sleep. I suppose I should keep the monitor on and listen. Oh - why is she crying? Maybe Nory doesn't like her. Maybe Nory is upset with me. What is my problem? It's my job to comfort her. I should go check on them. Has Nory been changed? Does Kumari sing to her? I hope Nory remembers who I am when I go back to work. What if she forgets? What if Nory starts to like Kumari more than me? What if I can no longer comfort her? I need a snuggle. Is that her crying? Kumari, I will take her..........
Bah. The first day she was here I think I cried for most of the day. I talked to my Daddy and cried. I talked to Phil and cried. I talked to Shani and cried. It was a never-ending cycle of uncontrollable tears. AND I WAS AT HOME TOO!!! What is it going to be like when I'm NOT at home? I don't even want to think about it.
The good news is I will have plenty of time to build trust with Kumari and see if she is a good fit for Nory. I think I've gotten a little better (emphasis on LITTLE) each day this week - allowing Kumari a longer chance to settle our girl before I interrupt to "save the day". I can't help it. My Mommy Instincts kick in and I have the urge to hold her close and tell her I love her. Today I did my first "trust exercise" by taking a 15 minute walk to the school to visit Phil. Phil drove me home within the hour and - despite my crazy ideas of a spontaneous kidnapping - Nory was safe and sound and happy as can be. These INSANE thoughts were never an issue when Grandma was here but working with a stranger is a whole new ball game. It's bizarre really. If I catch Nory crying with a friend, I wonder why Nory is acting so silly. But if it's a stranger in the same scenario, I automatically think, "WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO MY BABY?!" Absolutely no "benefit of the doubt" given. OOPS.
Well - my hubby is coming home soon and I am thrilled to have two days of quality family time ahead of us. Tonight is bath night which seems to be a Parkinson Favourite!
Please send me some RELAX-AND-STOP-BEING-SO-SILLY-EVERYTHING-WILL-BE-FINE vibes if you think of it!
XOXO
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