I haven't blogged about this in the past, but during the summer a dear friend of ours got into a serious car accident that left him paralyzed. The news was shocking. We had just seen him a few weeks prior and the event just didn't seem like a possible one. There's no way it could have happened. He had just come to the house for lunch and he was fine. He STILL had to be fine. Right? It's the only thing that made sense.
Sadly, reality was masked by the first stage of grief and I refused to accept what was the truth. Our friend was paralyzed. The car accident DID happen. It was sickeningly real. I wondered how things like this happen to people like HIM. How do they happen to GOOD PEOPLE? Kind-hearted, honest, loving people? Daddy's? Men who have little ones at home? Little kids that want to cling to your legs and run around in the backyard with you? How do they happen?
Our friend has been in a rehabilitation center since the accident - working hard to regain movement in different parts of his body. I remember trying to get in touch with him for the very first time, not really knowing when an appropriate time was to call. Not really knowing what to say if the call went through. We were both (Phil and I) one big ball of nerves. Did he want us to call to begin with? Did he need more time? Did he know that we had been thinking of him? Should we act like ourselves and just try to make him laugh? Was it okay to show our sadness? How do you ask someone in this situation how they are doing? It was really hard to know what the right answer was. When Phil finally got the correct number to his room and somebody picked up on the other end, I thought I was going to vomit. I looked at Phil and told him that I couldn't do it. I waved my arms and said I couldn't talk that day. I was too scared. I was already crying as it was - watching Phil nod and chat and keep it together the best he could. I just couldn't do it.
After Phil hung up the phone that day, I remember him welling up with tears and telling me that our friend was going to be okay. He said with a tremble, "Linds, he told me that if he is going to be a quadriplegic, then he is going to be the best quadriplegic around!"
Then we both started to cry. And I felt so stupid. So selfish. I couldn't believe that after all my friend had gone through, I WAS THE ONE that was scared to get on the phone and talk. I'm even embarrassed to tell you this story...
The next time we called him, I took a deep breath and said "HELLO!" in my usual Lindsay way. We talked about babies and school and science and eventually.....HIM. In the start of the latter part, I did my best to stay strong and hold back my tears. I was really keeping it together. But then, at one point during the conversation, I just decided to be myself and I started to cry. The same way I cried when he came busting into my room after a parent attacked me at school. The same way I cried when I requested a personal day from him after the doctor said I might not be able to have kids. Yep, I cried. I cried and I told him how cowardly I was the previous call and the real reason I wasn't able to talk was because I was afraid. And I wasn't actually preoccupied with anything, I was sitting smack down near Phil's feet, quietly sobbing while Phil was on the phone with him. I told him that I was sorry and embarrassed and it was not okay.
Then he proved his awesomeness all over again when he told me THANK YOU. Thank you for caring about him so much. He told me how much he appreciated our phone calls and valued our friendship. It was unbelievable how he responded to my blubbering and you know what? Things stopped being awkward. We talked for at least twenty minutes more about the science behind his injury and how hard he was working in rehab. Then we carried on about everyday things - like jet lag and solid foods and sleeping patterns and cradle cap. Similar conversations have happened in other phone calls since.
Tonight Phil had a chance to catch up with him again. When he got off the phone, he told me that our friend will be sending us a video showing off some of the movement he's regained in his legs. I couldn't help but get emotional. Our friend is a fighter and his spirit has shined so brightly through this tragedy. What Phil told me after the first phone call sums up his personality perfectly. There's nobody else like him - nobody else that would embrace a life change like this one with such grace and optimism. I admire him to no end. How lucky we are to have this man in our lives.
Thank you for all of the life lessons you have taught us, SJ. We are becoming better people because of you. Sending nothing but LOVE and POSITIVE THOUGHTS across the Atlantic! We love you!
XOXO
